Love happens

There was a post on Facebook I read yesterday about the reality of loss and how life goes on without stopping for even a moment to mourn with you. It is a hard thing to swallow sometimes.

From my own experience, you really never stop caring for someone you’ve invested so much of your heart on. You don’t stop missing them either. Those people that have touched your life and made a difference in you. They may not be here anymore – perhaps due to divorce, death or life simply steering you separately into different directions – but they will continue to be a part of who you are until the end.

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I remember my best friend in school, my first wife and some close relatives. I still feel the same way towards them, as I did in the beginning, even when we’ve already gone our separate ways. The love I had for them will always remain even when my life now is so much better. I am blessed to be who and where I am now and a big part of that is due to the fact that certain people have made me that way.

I believe that loves never leaves. It is pure. It is organic. Sure, it may sometimes be stagnant, or maybe in hiding… but it’s always there. If it feels like it went away, it may not have truly been there at all. It could have been something else… but certainly not love.

Love happens. But it shouldn’t have to go on.

Who’s right? Who cares?

The other night, my wife and I were watching TV and out of the blue I asked her a question. Never mind what it was. My point is that her answer didn’t sit quite right with me and it got me all flustered. It happened a couple more times during that same hour. Finally, I couldn’t handle it anymore and I started to raise my voice in protest. The next thing you know, we’re at it. Just like in the presidential debates, we both were spitting words out like broken arrows. Like empty bullets. Utter nonsense! We were trying to validate ourselves by squelching each other every which way we could. I was mad. She was mad. For a moment, we were both helpless.

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I’m a little embarrassed to write about this now but in my experience, transparency heals the soul. I don’t want my emotions to rule over me. I want to respect them. To accept them. But to rule over my desire to do the right thing? No.

In anger, nothing right, or righteous comes out of the mouth. In a relationship, anger can make us unhinged. Detached. An enemy of each other. I know I have to fight inwardly every time. I have to fight for her. For us. For what’s right. And winning this fight means you have to feel the other person’s pain more than yours. It’s the only way to develop compassion and a way out of the mess.

Being a prideful soul that I am, it took all of my being to muster enough strength to stop this madness before we had to go to bed. I did not want us to sleep through this, I thought. So I apologized. And hoped for the promise of better days.

And that was it. Pain relinquished. Joy restored.

In the end, what matters is that I love her. Who’s right? Not so much.

Dark in the Light

My wife wasn’t too thrilled that I flipped the channel to the presidential debates the other night. She thinks it’s deplorable and grim. Maybe so, but what can I tell ya… I’m a sucker for dark themes.

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I like watching real life events. Warts and all. I like documentaries and current events, even when at times they seem bleak. But they are real. They happen. It’s the truth. Albeit, the ugly truth.

Some may wonder why I put myself through it. I’m afraid there is no adequate answer. The best I could muster is that it makes me see more of who I am, where I am and the fascination of knowing I am nowhere near that side of life. Also, as odd as it may seem, it helps me to draw some compassion on the frail condition of humanity. The helplessness of us all left to our own devices. This takes me on a spiritual journey. It truly does. And I feel like the dark in the light, so to speak.

Going back to the presidential debate. My take on it? Let’s just say my wife was right.

Guess who’s back?

Wow! It was almost six years ago since my last post. And you probably thought I was gone for good. I did, too, actually. For awhile, things have changed. I got busy. Distracted. Unmotivated. Whatever.

But keeping a journal of my life has always been therapeutic to me and so I figured, why not. I’ll get back to it, even if I can’t promise to do it regularly, at least I know I have some place to retreat and express myself whenever I feel the need.

For now, let me just recap some of the things that’s happened in the last six years. Let’s see… I bought a house; I made new friends, I got a dog; I built a recording studio in my basement and made new music; I traveled to the Philippines (and another trip is on the calendar for the holidays); My family have visited me twice; I’ve made trips all over Wyoming and Colorado; I’ve also been to California, South Dakota, Nebraska, Iowa, Indiana, Montana, Chigago, Florida, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi; and have visited national parks such as the EvergladesRMNP, Devils Tower, Grand Teton and Yellowstone; I’ve been to concerts (King’s X, Aerosmith, Rush, KISS); I became a U.S. citizen; and most importantly, I got married! Yes!

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So, life’s been very good! Sure, it’s never an easy climb but I have no complains. You get what you put in. And sometimes you’re lucky you get more than you deserve. Definitely lots to be grateful for.

I’ll be back soon. Until then… hang tight and be good to each other.

How Great Thou Artist

HeadshotIt is true! Art imitates life.

As I was winding down an After Effects video project at work today, something dawned on me: The implementation of special effects on any media, for the most part, is but an attempt to recapture life’s imperfections and limitations which modern technology seems to have now alleviated. SFX, in fact, puts the “mistakes” back where they belonged.

How ironic that we actually, albeit unknowingly, appreciate the inadequacies of human nature. Could it be because perfection is so far off that we’re just not able to relate? Or that our shortcomings are all that we’re familiar with? We accept the fact that we miss the mark. We miss the goal. Yes! And in that painfully honest truth is where we genuinely find real beauty.

Consider a photographer who dramatizes his perfectly looking photograph by adding a touch of sepia to it, making it look “aged.” That’s right. Because “perfect” is boring! A little rough on the edges is who we really are. All of us. And to flaunt that… is cool!

Consider a film maker trying to capture the mood of the past in his story by shooting in black and white. A musician who creates music with the aid of modern gadgets that replicate the sound of the 50’s. I could go on and on. But you get my drift.

We are poetry in motion, ya’ll. Warts and all. And with that said, the next time you marvel at a modern piece of art – be it visual, sound or otherwise – remember that life itself is the original work of art.

Oh yes… How great thou Artist!

Zombies on TV? Copy that!

Since I was a kid, I really haven’t been so much of a TV person besides watching the news. With an exception. In the past few years, I have relentlessly glued myself to the tube everytime a new season of 24 kicked off. As fans of the show would attest, it is indeed very addicting.

But now that the series has ended for good, it has been a dismal few months for me. It’s torturous! Excruciating! I miss it! Ok, so yes, I have been flipping through the channels all this time trying to find a worthy successor. And I do love Fringe , mind you, which is on its third season this year. And a very promising new series called The Event seems to be holding up strong, as well, I think. But still, nothing seems to grab my full attention the way 24 did.

That is, until Halloween night.

Enter The Walking Dead. A new cable TV series based on a popular comics of the same title. Hmm… definitely something I could sink my rotten teeth in (heehee… sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

And, wow! Just wow! The season premiere pilot, in no time, had me nailed to my seat the way Jack Bauer had every muscle in my body aching the following morning, after each episode. And talk about getting your zombie fix… on a weekly basis! Woohoo! No more waiting for 28 Years Later or whatever. Yet, the drama is so good you forget that the gore is, in fact, premium-grade. Ha! Actually, even better than any George Romero offering, in my opinion. Fans of Lost would easily fall for this show being that the premise is somewhat similar, I’m guessing.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say that after almost an entire year of not posting anything on here, I have finally found something worth ranting about. Even for just a quick sec.

Thanks for reading… and who knows? You might just see me back here again someday.

New thoughts for a new year

Is it too late for a resolution? Not that it matters, really, as I have no intention of making one now. However, I have experienced and learned simple things in the past few years that has made me think about how easily we can take things for granted. Simple things which can enable the quality of our lives to improve greatly, if only we’re constantly aware of them. Little things like smiling at strangers, driving slowly, overlooking what seems to appear like an insult, dancing in the shower and smelling the morning air (indeed, one of the perks of living in the sticks is having breathable air).

We don’t necessarily have to go to extremes to change our lives for the better. All there is to it is simply being mindful of the condition of our hearts, at all times. Things don’t always go our way, but we can learn to adopt in an imperfect world by realizing we’re no better either and that we don’t deserve what we already have now. An attitude of gratitude really goes a long way. It cures us of depression and loneliness, it allows us to forgive and grants us freedom from within. Sometimes, life gets difficult and when there seems to be nothing to be grateful for, the challenge is to keep looking, anyway. For the truth is, that the blessings are always there, whether or not we see it.

Speaking of which… how could it be so hard to feel blessed right now, in light of the current devastation and enormous loss of life in Haiti? That could’ve involved you and me.

Anyhow, I thought it would be good, for me anyway, to spell those little things out and write about them, every now and then. It will be a good reminder for me that there are things I ought to put in practice, on a daily basis. These are things that I want to implement in my everyday living, starting this year. That’s right, there’s always room for improvement. And the road may be a long one, but the journey has already  begun.