I had a dream. Crazy dream. Actually, I have a lot of them. But, last night was about Honesty. Again.
Honesty is my imaginary bodyguard. He is the strongman who saves the day. Everyday. At home. At work. In the grocery store. You name it! He’s there, ready to defend me with his very convincing karate chops.
The problem is that, a lot of times, Honesty fizzles out like deodorant spray, when I wake up. He flops himself away into oblivion like a terrified chicken being chased by Colonel Sanders.
Although, I know he’s there when I’m awake, it’s hard to believe he really is, now. In my heart, I know he exists. And, of course, he does! But I think he’s afraid to show himself somehow. I’m not so sure why. Could it be because he’s actually a scary looking dude, with scars on his face and all over his body? I never really saw him that way, though. Or maybe, he’s just afraid people would judge him by his words. After all, they sound too good to be true, a lot of times. Trust me, I know.
You see, when I was little, Honesty was not imaginary, at all. He was real. He was everywhere I was. All the time. Willing to be the silly, yet simple friend that he truly was. But as I grew up, I noticed him become more and more withdrawn. I would ask him what’s wrong, and he would always snap back with… nothing. Hmm, that doesn’t sound like the Honesty I know. I was a little disappointed by this, in fact. One day, he confessed to me that he has a twin. An evil twin, as he coined it. I was a bit taken aback by this revelation.
“What? Why are you telling me this, just now? What’s his name, anyway?”
“Insecurity. His name’s Insecurity,” Honesty uttered, in a trembling whisper. I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Sorry. But, why would someone have such a geeky name? I thought. Anyhow, I asked Honesty again, why he’s telling me this, just now.
“I’ve always wanted to tell you,” he said, “but Insecurity would lock me up, everytime. And then, he would walk about pretending to be me. Then, he would brainwash me, so that I won’t remember anything, later.”
“That’s awful,” I stated indignantly. “You mean, all that smiley, goofy face wasn’t yours, after all?”
Honesty said that it wasn’t him that was keeping me company, all the time. Especially, as I grew older. Nope. The fake stuff that was going around at the time, was rampant! He said, “My brother was in high demand! And he delivered with gusto! Ya know… Fake smiles. Fake tears. Fake reality! He’s a real trendsetter.”
Excuse me? Oh, fantasy island. I see! De plenn, de plenn.
Geez! I can’t tell you how devastating it was for me to discover this. To find out that though Honesty may be strong, Insecurity is much, much stronger, indeed. And deceptive, at that! And that he also wanted Honesty gone, forever. Oh my! How much more criminal could one be? Now, I had to go through a lot of hoops just to see if it was Honesty or Insecurity that was really on my side, at a particular moment. It was not easy to tell. And very frightening, indeed!
But that was a long time ago. It’s been sometime now since I had seen him face-to-face. Although, his spirit has always stayed with me. Like a painting or an old photograph, I will always be reminded of what he looks like. But more importantly, I was left a promise that he would always be there (albeit, in spirit) whenever I need his karate chops to scare off those venturing to hurt me. However, there’s a clause. That is, only if I get smart enough to recognize, if the ever conniving Insecurity ever gets in the way; that I would be brave enough to kick his butt (so to speak), so Honesty can do what he does best. Protect me from harm. And at the same time, teach his little big brother (or big little brother; whichever works) a thing or two about reality, as well. And, I’m happy to say… so far so good.
At this time though, my alarm goes off. Six a.m. I am now on my own, once again, in the middle of the great unknown.
Or, am I? Let’s go find out! 🙂